My LASIK Nightmare & Near Vision Inlay Failure

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If you have been following my journey for long, you have probably heard me complain a time or two that I can’t see, or heard me say that I had failed LASIK surgery, but other than those quick mentions, I rarely talk about it.

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Honestly, it’s just too hard to talk about. It is depressing, and I never want to be the reason to bring someone down, I want to be the person who makes you laugh. The person who reminds you that you can do anything that you set your mind to. The person who finds fun in every little thing.

That does not make it any less real. It just makes it hidden. Bottled up inside. When I started thinking about this this morning, I had no idea that talking about it would make me so emotional.

Of course, my family knows I suffer, but they don’t know how much, or how badly. Those are things that I keep bottled up inside. That is wrong. That is the wrong way to do things. Bottling things up inside can make your sick. The stress and anxiety that I endure alone is detrimental to my health. Mentally, I know that, but I had not realized how much I was keeping bottled up inside.

This morning, my BFF, Kaye, texted me that the Dr. Oz Show was talking about the eye surgery, like I had done. She said it was so sad, and that people had even killed themselves.

I dedicate this post to Detroit Meterologist, Jessica Starr, a beautiful mother, wife, and daughter whose suicide brought this topic to the forefront of the country’s minds, and to the countless others who saw no other end to their struggle.

I poured my heart out and shed a few tears in this video, and I did not expect it to go that way. In my heart, and in my mind, I decided to share my story as a means of sharing hope.

I wanted to share my tips, the little things that had helped me cope, and helped me to improve from the near blindness that the LASIK and Raindrop Near Vision Inlay left me with. I thought, maybe, just maybe that I could help someone see the bright side. To remember that there is so much to still look forward to in our futures.

That’s not really the way it went. I pushed the record button on my phone and almost immediately the tears began to well up. I wanted to hold it in, to be strong, but I wanted to be real. How could I help anyone if I was merely suggesting a bandaid that apparently wasn’t even helping me as much as I thought it was?

The thing that most surprised me about sharing my story, is how much I held inside. I wonder why I didn’t share more? Why didn’t I talk with my family more about how I was really feeling? I think I felt like “”no one wants to be around a Debbie Downer”. “They know I can’t see, why harp on it.” There is so much more to it than that. I am disappointed in myself for not giving my family more credit than that. They are strong, too, and they love me. Why was today the day that I talked about it deep enough to reveal my pain? For strangers? Crazy, I know. I am still learning how to grow from this experience.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I will probably never know why God planned this experience for my life, but I accept it. Maybe it was for today. Maybe it was for the realization that it is ok to lean on those I love, and who love me, when I need them. Maybe it was for someone who will read this, or watch my story, and find a way to create their own “after LASIK” life. Maybe it is for a family member of someone who is in the depths of the despair that this surgery brings upon you, to spur them to step up, to bring up the topic and let their loved one know that they are there for them. Maybe it is for someone who is contemplating the surgery, or for a doctor who performs the procedures to know how his patients really feel. Maybe it is to teach a lesson to my children or grandchildren, to lean on each other. I don’t know, why, I will not question why, but I will survive it. That I know. That I trust. That I do for me.

Rather than repeating the same story here that I shared in my video, I share it with you here. I ask for your Grace and forgiveness for not holdig it together. My emotions were so much more than I anticipated.

Some of the things that have helped me, and that I mentioned in the video are 4 grams a day of fish oil. I take Ocean’s Blue, and Barlean’s is another good brand. You can find them at your local health food store. Xeazanthin and Lutein are musts for eye health, too.

I use the Manta Sleep mask, and it has helped tremendously. Having high quality wrap around sunglasses is a must. I wear Maui Jim’s, like these (the ones my second opinion eye doctor recommended). They have a website, sell them at eye clinics, good sunglasses stores, and there is a small selection on Amazon.

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Other things that I tried and use are hexane free castor oil. I use Aura Cacia brand, but there are other good ones at your health food store. These are photos of my cousin doing the Ayurvedic Remedy Natri Basti on me with warmed organic ghee and organic wheat flour. It looks silly, but it helped, and I believe these two remedies helped my eyes more than anything else. I was told there was no hope before I took matters into my own hands this way. (I used Manuka honey a few times, too.)

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As I state in the video, if you have had this surgery and you are feeling helpless and hopeless, I will help you in any way I can. Just reach out for help.